Is Love Really Worth It?
by SavannaSmiles2010
Summary: Is her heart really in this for the right reasons? Rated M for language and sexual content.
1. Love Like Woe

I starred into his piercing eyes, they cut straight to my heart. My hand found it's way from my lap onto his beautiful face; while his moved from his side to my waist. I took a step closer to him, our bodies almost fully touching, our faces inches apart. His breath was hot on my face, and he's scent was a mix between winter fresh mouthwash and some manly cologne. I craned my face to nestle into his neck. I softly kissed his skin, which instantly heated on contact. I smiled, I loved knowing I had the power to make him blush, get nervous and get hot. I instantly pulled away, smiling.

"**I'm sorry. To much?"**

His response was placing both his hands on my waist, pulling me the next two inches until our bodies were fully pressed together. He then proceeded to kiss the top of my head to my forehead to my nose to my lips. He pressed his lips gently on mine, fire shot through my body. I responded wrapping both my arms around his neck pulling him closer, deepening our kiss. After a moment of being entangled and the rest of the world blurring away from us, he pulled away. He said nothing, just gave me a slight smile and kissed my cheek, then went down to my neck. My knees went weak, almost buckling under my weight. I pulled away.

"**Okay. That's enough for today." **I pushed at his rock hard chest, he wasn't budging. I knew he wasn't going to give up just yet. **"Okay, lets at least go to somewhere more private?"**

"**Deal." **

He grabbed my hand and lead the way to his car. It was clean on the inside, incredibly clean for a teenage boys car. I turned toward him on the seat, the windows were tinted, so I excepted our session to continue here.

"**Clare, I didn't bring you to my car to fuck you, you know that right?"**

I raised an eyebrow, that's what this whole situation between us was, a physical attraction. **"It's … not?" **I was just flat out confused.

"**No, I'm tired of sneaking around. I want to be your only one, I don't want to be your runaround. I want you to look and be with me like you are with him."**

I sighed, I guess I always knew he would bring Eli into this. After all, they couldn't stand each other, but lately they had left each other alone, simply because I was sneaking around behind Eli's back. I didn't know what to say, I guessed he sensed my hesitation when he started the car and backed out of the parking lot.

"**Fitz, you know…"**

He quickly cut me off, **" I don't even know what you fucking see in him Clare, he is a douche." **

I rolled my eyes he was always trying to make that argument with me. **"So were you," **I retorted with a angry tone. I didn't even know why we had started this, actually I did. Thank you Elijah Goldsworthy, I'm risking my ass to save yours. I couldn't deny that I didn't mind sneaking around, I lived for the thrill. I hated hurting Eli, but I loved the way Fitz was when he was with me. The whole ride neither of us spoke, angry tension hung in the air like a thick fog. We pulled up in front of my house and I turned in the seat once again.

"**You know that I Eli and I have something special. You knew that before we started this." **

A low growl came from deep in his chest, he was upset. He wouldn't even look at me, he just kept starring intently at the road ahead. I leaned over, touched his hand, he jerked away instantly.

"**Be that way." **I slid to the door and got out of his car. I slammed the door and watched him speed off. I texted Eli, we needed to be together, especially since I had pissed Fitz off. _Ding. _He was on his way to pick me up, I ran inside and covered up Fitz's scent with Eli's favorite perfume. I walked back outside and sat on the steps, waiting.


	2. Waiting Game

A few minutes later Morty pulled up to the sidewalk in front of my house, I basically bounced my way to his car. I was truly happy to see him, I tapped on the passenger side window, I saw Eli lean across and open the door. I slid down into the seat, taking my rightful place next to him.

"**Hi boyfriend." **I scooted closer to him on the seat, and kissed his cheek. He turned his head to meet mine, catching my lips instead of my cheek and pulled away shortly after.

"**Hi, girlfriend." **Eli gave me one of his signature smirks that made me melt like a popsicle on the fourth of July. I had to giggle at myself for the Little Rascals reference I made in my head just then. Again he leaned back in towards me and I panicked for a short moment thinking he had caught the scent on me. He kissed my cheek then down my neck, I closed my eyes, he was good at making me want to give in to all temptations. **"Mmm, you smell amazing," **he mumbled against my skin.. The vibrations from the words made my whole body get hot, fast. I cautiously put my hand on his shoulders to slightly push him away. I never wanted to take things to far with Eli, he was my emotional relationship.

"**Ok, we need to stop." **I smiled at him sympathetically, he sat up and smiled at me, but I heard a small sigh leave his lips. **"Eli, you know how I feel about this." **Why was I lying to him? I knew I would go there in a heartbeat with Fitz, but with Eli, I just wasn't ready yet and I hated myself for it.

It seemed as if those two boys were the exact opposite of each other, Fitz had the fiery passion I wanted in a relationship, while Eli had the sweet and caring part down. If they could just somehow combine. _No Clare, you love Eli, you're with Fitz to keep Eli alive._ My head got the best of me and I leaned on Eli's shoulder.

"**I'm sorry," **his words were soft and hard, but I knew he meant them as much as he could. I responded with entwining our fingers and kissing his shoulder. I was constantly waging wars with myself about these two boys lately, because as much as I hated to admit it I was starting to like Fitz as a person. He was sweet when he wasn't around his goons. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I slowly pulled it out and was weary to read it.

'_**Sorry for earlier. But I meant everything I said. Can we meet up tonight?'**_

I looked up at Eli, his eyes seemed pretty glued to the road, I untangled my fingers from his, he looked at me with a curious expression. **"It's just Alli." **Lie thirty thousand in just the last week.

'_**Where and what time?'**_

I certainly wasn't going to be polite after the way he had treated me earlier, _what are you saying Clare, get a grip!_ I couldn't believe I was stressing over Fitz while my amazing boyfriend was in the seat right next to me. Something about Eli and I had been off since the first altercation between him and Fitz, something that when I was with Fitz seemed to be filled. I laced my fingers back with Eli's, **"So where are we going?" **He gave me a sideways glance and half a grin, then leaned over and kissed my forehead.

"**We're going back to my house. I have something for you." **

I started freaking out, Eli's house? Now? I had never been there before and I was in no condition to meet his parents. **"But! I'm not dressed to meet your parents or anyone else." **I was going to start my protest against the matter.

He let out a small chuckle, **"Who says my parents are going to be there?" **He raised an eyebrow and squeezed my hand tight. No parents? What were we going to …. Oh. I felt stupid, he wanted to take everything to a new level. I sighed, I knew this would come eventually. I just was hoping somewhere deep down that it would be after I got the mess with Fitz straightened out. We pulled up to a normal looking house, I don't know why, but for some reason I was expecting something like out of Fortnight. I laughed at myself for that assumption. **"Whatcha laughin at Edwards?" **

"**Nothing." **I smiled at him weakly. I opened the door to Morty and climbed out of the car. I walked around to the front of the car and met Eli there. He reached for my hand, just then another text message. I sighed and waited to get to the door before I answered, that way Eli wouldn't think I was trying to get away from him.

'_**Nine and I'll come to your house. I just wanna talk."**_ My heart sped up a little at this, because when boys say they just want to talk, they are usually lying. However, I was going to give him benefit of the doubt, which is usually what got me in trouble now-a-days.

'_**Fine. We can TALK.' **_I wanted to make it clear I had no intentions of anything physical tonight, then I heard the door in front of me open.

"**Welcome to my humble abode." **He pushed the door even more open and I walked in. It was beautiful. We walked straight into the living room, which was a deep royal blue with a light brown tint to all the furniture. It was certainly homey. He grabbed my hand and began pulling me down the hall. I noticed we passed the kitchen and the study, I figured we were headed toward his room, I was right. He opened the door we were standing in front of and it opened into his room. It was not what I expected, not signs of death or hard core things in sight.

"**Are we in the right room?" **I asked nervously.

A low chuckle erupted from deep within him. **"Of course we are silly."** He pulled my hand, even though I put up a little resistance, to the edge of the bed and he sat down. I was still standing but he pulled me to the edge of the bed in between his legs and kissed me. He scooted back a little bit and I followed suit. I was now kneeling on the bed in front him, keeping my arms locked around his neck, while his stayed locked around my waist. A moment later he toppled backwards on the bed pulling me on top of him, our lips still locked in a fit of rage.

"**Eli, we have to stop." **I managed to slip the words in between slips of the tongue and when he didn't respond, I suddenly didn't care anymore. My teenage hormones took over my body and mind. If he wanted me, he could have me. I sat up slowly and pulled off the denim jacket that was covering my tank top. He raised his eyes brows and ran his hands up and down my body, I just smiled and whipped my hair the best I could and leaned back down. His fingers were entangled in my hair and mine were placed softly on his face.

He pulled away slightly, **"Clare, I," **one of his hands went from my waist to my cheek, he gently stoked my rosy face with his thumb, **"I love you, more than words could say."** I took these words straight to heart and tears formed in my eyes. I was taken back by the statement, I never imagined that Elijah Goldsworthy would be the first to say 'I love you.'

"**I love you too," **a tear rolled down my cheek and I did love him with everything I had. He wiped away the tear and as he moved his hand from my face, my phone vibrated on the floor. I glanced down, knowing it was Fitz. I sighed, **"I need to check it, just in case it's mom."** He just nodded his head, I climbed off of him and grabbed my jacket from the floor.

'_**Ok thanks.' **_I wasn't even going to respond to that, just as I flipped my phone closed I felt something cold against the front of my neck. I half expected it to be Eli's hands, but when I reached down to touch it, it was metal. I looked down and it was the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen.

"**Do you like it?" **He seemed nervous, but at this very moment, he had no reason to be.

"**I love it. Thank you." **I turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. I smiled and nodded toward the bed. He took the hint and walked me back over to the edge, resuming our first position. It was time to make a new start, one that didn't involve much thinking.

Eli and I laid down on his bed and just cuddled after the whole fiasco. It felt nice just being there in his arms, no strings attached. I closed my eyes and listened to his heart beat while he stroked my hair. The silence was refreshing, no screaming from angry parents, no pleads for chances, just being. I flipped over onto my back and stared into his eyes. Instantly a Taylor Swift song popped into my head and before I had a chance to censor it, **"Eli's eyes are like the jungle.."** I smiled at him as he gave me a confused look accompanied by a smiled.

"**What was that?"**

"**Nothing." **I shook my head, it was embarrassing, on top of that it was Taylor Swift, which Eli was completely against, my singing was horrid.

"**That wasn't nothing." **Eli smiled and propped himself up on one elbow. He placed his hand softly on my cheek, shivers went down my spine. He looked deep into my eyes and gave me the biggest smile I had ever seen him give anyone. **"Clare, you're so wonderful. I don't know how I even deserve to be with you." **I didn't even waste a second lifting my head off his pillow to kiss him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled his face even closer to mine. His scent was intoxicating, like nothing I had ever smelled before. I closed my eyes, nothing could be better than this moment. He pulled away slightly. **"Easy, I need to breath sometime." **I noticed my reflection in his eyes, I was a mess and here he was continuing to love me.

"**Eli," **I pressed my forehead against his. **"I'm the one who doesn't deserve you. You could do so much better than me."** He pressed his finger to my lips.

"**Don't say such nonsense." **

If he only knew about the things I was doing behind his back. I knew right then that I was going to put a stop to Fitz and I. Not like there was anything serious going on between us, at least not to me. I didn't want to hurt his feelings and have him hurt Eli, but I didn't want to hurt Eli either. The latter was the worse of the two, so I decided to end it.

"**Eli, I'm going to have to go soon, promised Mom I would be back early." **I figured that one last little lie couldn't hurt anything.

"**Okay, I can take you. Let's just do this again soon, okay?" **

"**You bet." **I smiled brightly at him, kissing his nose. We slowly rolled out of bed, I put my jacket back on and touched the necklace again. **"Thank you again for my necklace Eli, it's so beautiful." **

"**It's no problem, seriously. I figured it was nice and you would like it." **

He reached for my hand and held it tightly with his own as we walked back to Morty. We didn't talk the whole way back home, just sat in a comfortable silence, one of my hands holding his, the other was stoking my necklace. We pulled up to my house moments later, I leaned over and gave Eli a soft peck.

"**I'll call or text you in a little while." **

With that I stepped out of his car and walked to my front door. I turned around and waved goodbye at him, he was like a dark night zooming off into the sunset. Eli was everything I ever wanted, but for some reason I wanted to explore more, an opportunity that Fitz continued to give me daily. I walked inside my house, heard silence, dad was surely at work and mom was keeping herself busy with church things. I pulled out my phone, it was seven, maybe Fitz could come over early and we could _talk._

"_**Hey, I'm home already, come over early?"**_

"_**I'm on my way."**_

Now it was a game of sit and wait.


	3. Straight To The Heart

I sat down on my couch, Fitz would be arriving any moment. I had changed into something a little more conservative, a tee shirt with a pair of jeans. I didn't want him getting the wrong ideas, plus I had to end it and it would be easier to do that if he wasn't looking me up and down with those sexy eyes. I heard my phone buzz and didn't even bother checking it, I stood up and smoothed my shirt out. I walked to the door and sure enough Fitz was standing there, only he looked nervous. I stood out of the way and held my arm out, inviting him in.

"**Thank you for seeing me, especially after the way I acted this morning." **His face was turning different shades of red and pink. He was embarrassed and for some reason it made me smile like there was no tomorrow. I just wanted to grab his soft face in my hands and shower him in kisses, however I refrained from doing so. Instead, I put on my best poker face and attempted to glare at Fitz the best I could. Something told me he wasn't buying it the moment he placed his hand on my arms, which were crossed conveniently across my chest. The warmth from his body seemed to melt away the ice I was trying to protect myself in. I could no long just stand there and act like a stuck up bitch.

"**Lets sit on the couch." **I didn't reach for his hand, but he caught mine. This Fitz was determined to make me want to love him. _Love, _what the hell was I thinking? I couldn't love him, I love Eli. I could feel my mind and heart began to start waging a war within myself. I just let him hold my hand as we made our way the whole 20 steps from the door to the couch. I took my seat, sitting sideways with my legs crossed Indian style. He was here to talk and I was here to listen to anything and everything he had to say. He sat on the couch next to me, still holding my hand in his, only now he was rubbing his thumb against my fingers and across my wrist, sending shivers down my spine. His touch was almost intoxicating to me, something I would never understand is why. Sure, Eli's touch sent electric bolts through me, but Fitz's made me feel safe and whole. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I could feel his eyes starring at me.

"**Clare,"** his voice was soft, almost worried. I didn't say a word only opened my eyes and smiled at him, encouraging him to continue. Fitz took a deep breath, I could tell he was beyond nervous, I gave him hand a little squeeze, another sign of my encouragement to him. **"Clare, I didn't think that when we started sneaking around that I would ever grow to have feelings for you. Honestly, you were a way to get that little punk ass back, but now you're so much more than that. You're smart and funny and sweet. I feel like when we're together nothing can go wrong." **He stopped there and looked into my now glossy eyes, I wanted to spring into his arms and kiss him, but knew I couldn't do that. I didn't speak, giving him the hint to continue. **"You make me want to be a better man, Clare. I don't feel so angry when you're around." **His eyes narrowed in attempts to search for something in my eyes. I didn't know if he was looking for an answer or an argument, but I wasn't going to give him either just yet. I sat there quietly, just starring into his eyes, they were the perfect shade of hazel. They were brown with little flakes of green and gold, they almost reminded me of a late fall tree, those few specks hanging in to give everyone the hope that there is still beauty within harsher times. My mind was running in a million different directions so we sat in silence for a few minutes before I decided to speak.

"**Fitz, you are an amazing person when you want to be. Other times you're mean, cruel and unruly. I find so much of myself when I'm with you. You change me too, you make me clumsy and silly, I feel like I can be completely myself around you. I haven't figured out if that's something I like or not, because I've never completely opened up to another person. Not even Eli." **The moment Eli's name rolled off my tongue, I felt Fitz cringe. I rolled my eyes and ignored the hatred he had for Eli. I couldn't understand why I was sitting on my couch spilling my heart out to this jackass. Where did all these feelings for him come from in the first place? **"BUT, I can't continue with this. If Eli ever found out it would tear him to pieces." **My hand that Fitz wasn't holding decided it had a mind of its own and went to my neck, touching the piece of jewelry I received only an hour earlier. Fitz's eyes moved to where my fingers were playing with the heart charm on it. A flood of emotion took over his face, he was hurt. He let go of my hand instantly and began to get up off the couch. I wanted to stop him, I wanted to hold him in my arms and apologize for all the wrong doings from Eli and myself, but I was frozen. He made his way to my door, turned back for a brief moment and then walked out of my door. I sat there in pure agony, I didn't know what he was going to do, to Eli or me, but I knew it wouldn't be good. I took a deep breath and called Eli, I figured he should come be with me.


End file.
